Adventures in Alabama

I was recently sent down to Alabama on a business trip. Prior to that trip I had worked in Huntsville and went to Mobile one evening with a coworker. I thought it was just a nice southern state. Little did I know it was a bass ackward, bigot infested, swamp. It started on my first full day, when, while listening to the radio I heard a conversation that went something like this;

Radio Host: Today we will discuss the status of illegal aliens in the US, and how they are treated in comparison to our citizens. (At this point I thought this could be an educational segment and decided to listen)

Caller: (back woods southern accent) The only way to deal with them is to evangelize them or put a bullet in there heads. (And here I am, thinking, "Ok, well at least it can only get better." Wrong again.)

Host: That is what I have been saying for years... (Oh boy! Here we go.)

Caller: (back woods southern accent) It is a conspiracy by the Mexican government. They are sending their citizens up here to colonize America and take it back over for Mexico. (What are they going to do, landscape us in to submission?)

Host: Again, that is what I have been saying for years. People are going to be sorry when they are listening to a spanish language station and can't find a job in 20 years...(AHHHH!)

At this point I had to change the station, because, I just couldn't take it anymore. But that radio show was just the beginning. The next day myself and a coworker were driving north on decently well traveled state highway. We turned left, which, theorectically would be west, onto a county road marked CR 222 West. Forty minutes later we were 25 miles north and east of where we had turned left and had not passed over the state highway. Right after we had made our turn to head west a song started on the radio and then jumped about 3 minutes ahead. My coworker said, "What was that? Were we just abducted by aliens? Because you hear about stuff like songs skipping like that when people get abducted by aliens."

My reply was, "Well, does your ass hurt?"

He said, "No. Does yours?"

This conversation came back to haunt us 40 minutes later when we ended up nowhere near our intended destination. We both figured it was possible and our asses may not hurt because alien technology has come a long way.

2 days later, while driving down the interstate toward the Gulf Coast I witnessed a couple parked on the side of the road with what appeared to be car trouble. The hood was opened and they were on the front seat having sex in broad daylight. Some people have no shame.

While traveling home, I was just north of Birmingham, when I saw one of the most rediculous things I have seen in a long time. There was an eighteen wheeler with spinners on the back tires.