Damn Canadians

(This happened last Monday. I have just been a bit too busy to post it)

I swear, our borders are being breached and no one will do a damn thing about it. Hell, the raucous, mean-spirited, bastards keep multiplying and squatting wherever they please. Can we do anything about it? No! Our neighbors from the north are more prevalent then those from the south in some places. And today, I was attacked by one while doing my job. Damn Canadian geese.

It all started last week. When, the couple moved in. Always fussing and hissing and working themselves into a fit whenever anyone walks by. I swore then, that if one of them came within striking distance I was going to kill the dirty, good for nothing, crap dispenser.

My hatred of Canadian geese began almost 20 years ago. You see, when I was younger, my Sunday school class had a pasta night at a house on the church grounds, for charity. There were a couple of geese that had made a nest right by the main entrance. Any time someone would walk into the house, they would hiss and flap their wings and try to reach out and bite them. Who had goose duty? Me. That's who. I had to make sure they didn't attack anyone and no one disturbed them. Where did it get me? Lunged at, hissed at, hell, they even got close enough to nip my jeans a few times. I HATE CANADIAN GEESE!

When these two built a nest on the retaining wall right next to the parking lot, I knew we were all in for a long month or more of bitchy birdies trying to exert their will upon us. Most people give them there space. I, on the other hand, refuse to alter my course when I am near them. This morning, while on garbage detail(we have to pick up the garbage in and around the grounds of the facility), I was walking by one of them, when it started to flap its wings. I have a picking tool for garbage duty, and kept it out menacingly toward the bird until I was about 6 feet past it. At that point, I turned and kept walking toward the building. That's when I heard my co-worker yell out, "Larry, look out!" I turned to see that winged demon taking flight, straight toward me. I swung the picking tool at it, and it veered away.

I know they are "protected" but, I won't feel a bit bad about leaving one or two limp goose corpses lying around. Worthless birds.