Control
Love Without Hope
Love without hope, as when the young bird-catcher
Swept off his tall hat to the Squire's own daughter,
So let the imprisoned larks escape and fly
Singing about her head, as she rode by.
-- Robert Graves
It is funny how I have run into several situations these last few days, either with my friends or via blog surfing, that have led me to hold even more firmly to one of my beliefs.
You can only control you.
In the poem above, the bird-catcher was willing to give up everything for love while the squire's daughter took it for granted and rode on. Love is not perfect, nor are the people involved. Whether they are your family, friends, or partners, you have no control over how they are going to act or react in any situations. They will only give what they are willing or able to give. Funny too, that even though we may not realize it, we are guilty of the same thing. We will only give what we are willing or able to give. Sometimes we surrender completely, other times they might. Most of the time we keep something for ourselves.
I do also believe that if both people in the relationship (again, it can be any type of relationship) don't give somewhat equally over time, that relationship will suffer for it. Over time, I have become more selfish in my pursuit of happiness and I have been happier for it. I don't know if this is a good thing. But, I have learned that no matter what I give, how much or how little, the situation is not in my control when there is more than just me involved. We are able to influence things, but ultimately, we are at the mercy of circumstance. Give what you can afford to give and the rest will come out in the wash. Over time, you will realize that your good relationships are doing the same things and the bad ones you can let go.
Sometimes it is okay to give everything and watch the squire's daughter ride away. At least then you know...
posted by Larry @ 7:12 AM
7 Comments:
So true. You CAN only control yourself.
But don't forget...sometimes when you DO give everything?...the Squire's daughter doesn't just ride away. She gives everything back.
And that is amazing.
Tracie, I know you are right, and hope to find that amazing situation some day. I trust that I will. I have a friend that had some problems this weekend and also surfed to a blog where someone was questioning things. It made me think about this stuff. Just thought I would post about it.
It's funny how we can fool ourselves into thinking that we have control over the outcome of things. When in reality, we all can only control our end and hope that the influence we exert, pushes the situation where we want it to head. Life is fun because of the uncertainty.
You hit the nail on the head.
If there's one thing having a marriage fail and going through the subsequent divorce taught me, it's almost exactly what you said.
I can also tell you (and bet Mossy would agree) that when you're in a good relationshio with someone that loves you for exactly who you are; who respects your choices, likes and dislikes and doesn't want you to change; who makes an effort and goes out of their way to make you smile - well, then you're more than willing to give up a lot more and relinquish a helluva lot of (if not all) your control.
My first marriage I tried to be who he wanted me to be, and lost myself in the process.
Mossy and I - from the very beginning - didn't try to be anyone we weren't...and therefore we learned to love each other - warts and all - for the people we were inside.
Makes a huge difference. It's not bad to be selfish and enjoy yourself. Not at all> because when teh right person comes along< they"ll want to share your likes with you _ and you"ll do the same for them>
I Larry,
thank you for your visit, and for your words. I really try to enjoy myself, and I think I usually succeed. I also respect my friends' different beliefs to mine. But sometimes, when I'm a bit sensitive, feeling a bit down or maybe got PMT, I actually wonder why people question me or the way I choose to live my life. Specially because I try to respect their way. In the end of the day, I'm a happy person, and I have a great relationship with my friends. But when someone around you seems to be different to you or tend to disagree to what you're saying, you wonder if maybe, you're wrong.
With regards to your post, I always say exactly the same thing: "You only control you". But even knowing that, sometimes I get caught in my hopes, thinking I can change things...
I hope you keep dropping by and I'll try to get to know your blog better.
Cheers!!!
This comment has been removed by the author.
P-Shag: It's couples like you two that give me hope for my future. Or maybe it's just women like you. :P
Paulinha: Welcome to my blog. Like I said, it sounds like we are similar people. I have my moments of frustration, too. The situation with my friend this weekend, was not the first time that I have had this conversation with them. But, we all have to live and let live. I just can't help but put in my two cents. Especially when people ask. :)
Larry: It's me. It's all about me. :P
Post a Comment
<< Home