A Tire Change and the Toothless Yokel
While parked on a gravel lot out in the middle of East Jesus, I managed to gouge one of my tires. As I pulled out of the lot I could feel the tire deflating. I got out and proceeded to change my tire. Just then the local genius arrived to better my stituation. While I am figuring everything out(first time I had to change a tire on this van, so I had to find out where the crank was for releasing the spare) this poor, friendly, dimwitted, rotten toothed, riverrat pulls up in his rusted out pick up(sounds like I am stereotyping, seriuosly I am not gifted enough to make this up) and says in his marble mouthed, backwoods, southern accent-so thick I could barely understand-, "Looks like you got a flat tire."
Really, I hadn't noticed. It's not bad enough that I am out in the middle of nowhere, running late to back up my other investigator, it's 95 degrees with no breeze or shade in sight and I am about to wrestle with a flat and a spare on a gravel road with a shitty jack and tire tool. Now, I have one of the hillbilly extras from deliverance stating the obvious. I know he was trying to be helpful, but, he didn't have any better tools and wasn't going to join in the labor, he just wanted to stand around and talk. I managed to be nice, ask him where the nearest shop was, so I could get the tire patched and tried to send him on his way. I am not lucky enough, or mean enough to avoid a converstion with the guy so while I am sweating my ass off changing the tire, I also had to concentrate on this guy and what he was saying. I truly, did not understand a word he was saying to me, so when it seemed like a time to nod, I nodded. Every once in a while I threw in an, "Uh huh." for good measure. Thankfully, I managed to change the tire in near record time(for me) double checked with the guy on the tire shop location and we both went our seperate ways.
I'm just glad he didn't tell me I had a pretty mouth.
posted by Larry @ 7:43 PM
19 Comments:
Good thing you weren't in your business casual attaire, eh?
yeah I only wear that stuff to court. gotta dress up for the lawyers, judges, and jurors.
You do have a pretty mouth, he just didnt notice. Your blog gets funnier and funnier every time i read it.
The "uh huh" is a good way to handle talkative slackjaws, as you will notice that that is almost the only way they respond to you. Other ways include "Waaaal, I tell ya what...", and "Like ah-say, ah got one o them ford vans and it..."
Oh this topic, I will definitely heed you advice
you know, this is one of those situations where i would have used my favorite line....
"gee, captain obvious, where do you hide your cape?"
probably not the best thing to say to a backwoods hick, huh?
sorry, duff, but in these situations I think I must stick with the "smile and nod" and "uh huh" methods. They seem to be working and not getting me to "Sqeaul like a pig", which is always a plus.
Larry, that's the same tactic I use when I talk to you on the phone. Heh. But you already know that.
At least you were entertained while changing your flat...
Uh huh....
Yeah...
Sure...
You don't say...
Right, Right...
Please go on...
I once had a car full of high school guys repeatively drive by hooting and hollering, while I changed a tire, not ONCE offering to help! WTF, am I like going to go, you yell so great, forget the tire and getting home, take me now!
BTW, where was your BFE?
I hate that... I'm also too nice to tell them to shove it up their ass. I do the smile and nod uh huh thing too.
I think I have a cousin in East Jesus. He's got four teeth - so he's the mayor.
Yeah, but being a girl, I usually get the guys to change the tire for me. I act all helpless. Works every time.
In your case, Larry - I wouldn't advise it. God knows what he would have wanted in return.
See if I need to change a tire I just call my Daddy. He will drive out and change it for me :)
I think I might have met this guy. He gave me a ride when I was hitching in Lake City Tennessee. Fortunately, he never said "you sure got a purty mouth" but he did ask me, several times, to share my "good Wisconsin weed" with him.
So . . . did you?
:-D
More importantly, though - will you share with us?
Let me tell you, there is no such thing as "Good Wisconsin Weed"
Steph: The snoring tactic works the best.
Doug: Damnit, you never listen to me.
DLLC: Uh huh. *nodding*
Erika: did you have your kids with you? And that BFE was in southern Missouri.
Dani: sucks sometimes, if it wasn't so damn hot I would probably not been nearly as annoyed.
P-shag: I have met many, many people who might have been your cousin, wait for the post from today's case.
Callie: I made it a point to not act helpless. I refuse to squeal like a pig.
Digi: I was not in Tennessee, but have a story about sitting on the side of a hill on my first road trip there and getting the back of my neck licked by a dog. It took the damn thing 2 days to work the courage up to not stand 20 feet away barking, then when it finally came over the poor dog would not leave me alone.
Mark: Thanks for clearing that up. Seriously, I was going to ask.
No I was actually in college, undergrad, very young, I think about 22 or 23. They were in the bed of a pick up and drove by like 2 or 3 times just to cat call. But it was Walker, LA where you're only allowed to marry relatives. I thought about yelling back, quit yelling and help. But again, it was walker. It was the first only time I've ever changed my own tire on a public street. Bizarre. Only story better than that is the time I had car trouble in Maine, and some quys stop to help the pretty lady, until I turned around and they relazied I was about 8 1/2 months pregnant. You should have seen there faces. In their defense, they stayed and tryed to help even though they knew less than me about cars.
Erika: I figured it was pre-kids I was just givin you shit.
1980: I think I was further south and west. Outside Steeleville.
Post a Comment
<< Home