To Larry's Faithful Readership:
Okay, y'all. Larry's stuck out at work right now, and can't post, so he asked me for a bit of help.
Here's what's going down: This contest that he's in requires him to dress and act like a gigolo, which isn't exactly his area of expertise. He's got to have a gigolo outfit, a gigolo strut and a better pick-up line. Now, this will only get him through the first round. If he makes it, though, he will be one of 5 finalists, and he mentioned something about baby bonnets and diapers after that, so it behooves you all to help a brother out. Here's what he needs:
*COSTUME
-Does he dress more like a pimp, or a sleazeball?
-He's already got a hat to wear, but he'll change it for a better idea, if one comes along.
-How many gold chains is too much?
-What about a pinkie ring??
-He has super-short hair, so style suggestions will get you nowhere. (Unless you're talking about a wig or something.)
-Platform shoes?
I think he's leaning more towards the "sleazeball" look with the mostly-unbuttoned silk shirt, polyester pants, and gold chains. He just wants to see what you guys think.
*WALK
-How does a gigolo walk??
-How do you discern a gigolo walk from a pimp strut? Is it the cane?
-Keep in mind Larry's white, and has all the grace of a drunken baby when he's
not playing hockey.
Who knows what he'll really do here with these suggestions, but you can tell him anyway.
*PICK-UP LINES
-Ladies, what are some of the funniest ones you've heard? And the worst?
-Guys, what lines work for you? Which ones don't?
So far, Larry's come up with, "Hey darlin', my name's Lyle, and you're gonna love it..." (Um, you all know who Lyle Lovett is, right?)
So there ya have it. Do the right thing, people. Larry's just dying for that golden boner.
(Award. The Golden Boner Award.)
¡VIVA LA STEPH!
posted by Larry @ 10:46 AM
26 Comments:
He needs to go no farther than to ask Glacier. Blacier knows all about pimpin', yo.
Here is all I know...
Rule #1: Keep yo pimp hand strong.
Pimp's up... Ho's down!
Definitely go with the sleazewear.
I'd think a gigolo walks much like the pimp but with a bit more sophistication.
Pick up line: "Hey baby you'd make my dreams come true if you came home with me tonight" (A friend said it actually worked for him)
I could see it working but only after talking to the chick for a while and not actually saying hey baby. lol
I don't know what Larry looks like so I can't make a solid choice, but,,, i am in favor of pimps because they have killer outfits!! :)
Jo-Jo, I think I will have to get Glacier's opinion. When you're right, you're right.
Dani, I am going to go with the sleazewear.
Motherdear, this is a promotion for Duece Bigalow so the sophisticated look is out. I do like that second pick up line, though and I am going to have to watch Ferris Beuller this week, for the walk.
Kay Ray, one of these days I will post a pic, hell, if I become a finalist and have to wear a diaper and bonnet we may have a few winners from this weekend.
oh geeze... pick up lines. I've heard a lot. There's the classics:
Tell me, did it hurt? (she says, what?) Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Girl, your legs must be tired because you've been running through my mind ALL day.
Worst one i ever heard was a guy that asked me if I wanted to go back to his place, "for a pizza and a fuck". Guess what answer he got?
If you can handle it, Larry, find yourself some cologne...or that Axe shit... definitely need that Binaca breath spray, and a silk shirt is the way to go.
dress like snoop dog. For shizzle!
Well Larry All I have to say is Good Luck! Unfortunately i dont have any good advise! But i have a feeling you will win!
Larry, I think you're already pimp-a-licous!
Larry, I just remembered this one...
Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow job? No? Do you want to do lunch?
i'm so unhelpful here. i have no fucking clue...
Outfit - Classy but dorky.
Line - "Your legs look lovely tonight... But they could look better... On my shoulders." Extra points if you say it in Spanish.
Okay, everyone I thank you and any more suggestions on the costume can only help. However, I heard a pick up line that I had never heard before tonight and it is bound to be a classic. It is four words and it is awesome. Look at the women's crotch and say, "You gonna eat that?" I will have to point for clarity, I'm sure. But, I will either get booed off stage or everyone will be laughing so hard I will be pushed through to the next round. I really don't see any in between with that one.
I really hope I am one of the middle people to go so that I can get a feel for it and maybe fall back on a different line if I can figure out how the judges are scoring it.
The one I like the best is here by guitarroy: "Fuck me if im wrong you really want to kiss me"
Good luck Larry!!!
I love that line but it is used a lot. I will have to feel out the judges and crowd to find a pleaser among the ones that I have recieved from y'all and heard today. I still want to go with the short one though. Thanks for the wishes and, well, I guess Brewer and the no name guys we got.
Pickup line:
YOU: "Do you know how much a polar bear weighs?"
HER: "No..."
YOU: "Well it's enough to break the ice...my name is..."
I know it's not that dirty, but that's the only one I know that hasn't already been listed. Good Luck!
That is awesome.
Thats definitely a great intro Robert. I'd laugh and totally talk to a guy that said that to me.
No problem for Brewer.. anytime.. I hope the guys on your team can shape him up. Maybe he'll play as good as it appeared he could.
Tight fitting pants, large hats, and lots of gold jewlery. That should about cover it.
Oh, and make sure you walk like you're riding a horse...you know, that John Wayne swagger thing...do that.
2 words on the outfit...International Male.
www.internationalmale.com.
And I looove the pickup line.
oooohhhh I had an idea while at work today. why don't you try and become the first nerd pimp? your cane can be wrapped in duct tape. (because nerds go for that, crazy glue or velcro as the fix all..well at least in the 80's my dad and a few of his friends had thing going) Then you could have a pocket protector and nerd glasses plated with diamonds for your bling bling. (you can use those bedazzle like thingys from the craft store to achieve the same look) and of course, wrap the glasses in the duct tape. if you could find a couple girls to dress up like the characters of square pegs, for your "hos" you'll have it made!
just a thought.
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Well, if you're supposed to be a gigolo, the open shirt and chains with a tight pair of pants will do the trick. Make sure you have one of those REALLY THICK gold chains that hang right at your collar bone, and a few longer ones to accentuate the open shirt. You don't really need a hat, as you're not a pimp. If you DO a hat, it has to be a fedora, as MD has stated. If you don't do the hat, either slick your hair back or spike it up. Whatever you do, use LOTS AND LOTS of hair product. The shinier the better. And you definately need a good pair of shoes. Don't go for the tennies. High gloss boots or dancing shoes.
Sadly, I have no pick up lines. They're so rarely used on me, and when they are, I just ignore them anyway.
Shanshu, I think you are getting into pimp territory but are definitely not too far off. Tight pants and jewelery is right on the money.
Spring, I think you are also close but I don't know if I am going to go classy or sleazy. leaning toward sleazy.
Ltlme, no way. But, now I have an idea for a halloween costume next year. thanks.
Callie, the hat is a fedora. It is where I recieved the nickname PanamaJackass. Hey baby, you wanna go halvsies on a bastard? :P
Everyone, thanks again for the input. I am getting a clearer picture everyday of how this is going to come together.
Two Words: Huggy Bear.
'nuff said.
I mentioned this to my bf and he says stick with the classic lines like
"Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?"
I think I still like yours best so far, though...if you don't mind me adding my 2 cents. I think a good way to send your outfit over the top would be with props. Like every cheesy gigolo-date thing you can think of... like flipping your jacket open (like some street hustler) and you have rows of condoms and plastic roses, some cheap sparkly jewelry (a deal-sealer), a bottle of cologne, a tin of altoids, fuzzy handcuffs... you know...date night.
Just heard this pick up line on the radio:
Him: Are those space jeans you're wearing?
Her: Space jeans? What are space jeans?
Him: I just thought they must be space jeans, cuz your ass is out of this world.
Sooooo f***ing cheesy.
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