Wallflower

I used to be a wallflower. Sometimes, I am still a bit reserved in social situations. Finding that life sucks when I didn't take chances, I taught myself how to be outgoing. Sometimes I still turn many different shades of red when stuff happens. But, most of those times the only thing that is embarrassing is my body's reaction. It betrays me. Anyway, I just thought that for those of you out there that may be mortified by social situations such as speeches, parties, dates, or even going to a restaurant or movie where you may meet new people, you need to know you can change. It took some doing. I used to be the guy that walked around looking only at my feet, if someone made eye contact, I looked away. If someone said "Hi" I would very softly reply, sometimes with voice cracking. Most of my friends have a hard time believing this. I am very outgoing and not shy at all if I know you. But, believe me, once you learn how to be outgoing the world is a much more interesting place. What brought this on was earlier today on my morning break, I read an article about flirting. "Expert Flirting Tips". It seems that I have managed to become a huge flirt over the past few years. There were ten tips, and I am good at all of them. And only 4 short years ago, I was not this person at all.

Here is the article:


Some people are natural flirts, but what if you’re not one of those people? We’ve compiled 10 expert tips on flirting that even the most timid of singles can use.



10. Flirting is an attitude

A good flirt is self-confident and not afraid to take risks. Be enthusiastic and positive—it works! (I am a naturally positive person, the enthusiasm for the situation had to be learned)



9. Start a conversation

The best opening line is saying hello. Talk about the surroundings, ask a question, ask for help or state an opinion. (While working as a Private Investigator, I had to initiate conversation a lot. I had to learn how to be good at this. It is an invaluable skill. I know some masters, I am not one of them)



8. Have fun

Be playful, light-hearted and spontaneous. Show your vulnerability. (If you are quick-witted with your friends and family, transfer that over to those you don't know. If they don't get your humor, they aren't right for you anyway. If they do it makes you feel more comfortable, too.)



7. Use props

Never leave home without a prop. Props are natural conversation starters. They encourage conversation and others will be compelled to start talking to you. Great props include dogs, kids, unusual jewelry, a fabulous scent, a sweatshirt with your favorite passion, interesting ties, hats or an interesting book or newspaper. (I have a TMBG t-shirt that I wear. It is a great conversation starter. I was wearing it with a kilt one day, and the people didn't ask about the kilt, they asked about the shirt. Every time I wear it I get asked about it. Seriously, anything to break the ice, but be comfortable with whatever prop you choose. Oh, and for those of you who don't know TMBG is They Might Be Giants. Fun band.)



6. Be the host

Change your behavior from guest to host. You are not a passive person waiting around for romance; instead, you’re the welcome committee. (You're there, they are there, you may as well both feel welcome. You were both invited. If you don't know where you are, offer a tour that you can both get lost on. If you do know where you are, get lost together anyway. Another P.I. lesson is this: "Walk in like you own the place, most people will assume that you do.")



5. Make the first move

Move closer to the person you want to meet. Say hello. (It's not hard to say hi. If the other person blows you off, move on. If they say hi back, revert to a few of the previous steps; start the conversation, use props, be the host and attitude, always attitude. Remember, confidence is key. Believe me, you can fake it. They don't know you yet, they don't know you are really nervous.)



4. Listen

You have two ears and one mouth because you should listen twice as much as you speak. Listening is a true art. Your flirting partner will be drawn to you. Everyone loves to be heard. (One of the skills that I already had. Thankfully, I didn't have to learn them all.)



3. Eye contact

Please look your partner in the eye gently (no more than a few seconds) and then glance away. Don’t stare—it’s a turn-off. (This is the only one that I have issues with. I never know if I should look away or keep looking. I take the woman's body language into account and just hope to God that she doesn't start looking uncomfortable. But the suggestion of "a few seconds" makes you seem flighty. Use external "exit" cues; people entering the room, any nearby motion that you can pretend drew your attention, etc., if you have a hard time keeping eye contact. It's not so obvious that you want to look away if you can do that. But, don't look away for good, you will either look uninterested and bored or you will look timid. Neither one is good.)



2. Compliment

Compliment your flirting partner. The best compliments have the element of surprise. The “flirtee” will know that you really noticed him or her. Remember, your compliments must be honest, sincere and genuine. When you receive a compliment, the best response is a simple “Thank you!” (Try not to over do it. There is a fine line here. I had to learn it, I don't get it right every time. If you are bad at it, learn it. I wish I could give good advice on how to learn it. Practice makes perfect. I use the women I work with, that I am already comfortable with. I fine tune my approach and then use it on strangers. A well placed compliment is magical.)



1. Smile It's contagious

Smiling makes you so much more approachable. A smile lights up your face and draws people to you. You’ll be a people magnet. (The only other skill that I didn't have to learn. I am naturally happy. People are always more comfortable if it doesn't look forced. Think of something that makes you happy and use it, if you can't naturally feel that way in the situation you are in.)

Happy hunting.