My Life, Part Whichever
It has been so long since I last posted, that I have changed jobs and enrolled in school. I finally have a day job with regular hours and regular pay. I have never had a straight day job. It is nice. In quitting the drain business, I have become a receiving clerk and supply runner for a large nursing home. It is great to be busy all day long and get off so early. Several things have caught me as noteworthy;
1) It seems like all alzheimers patients have an inherent need to try to get out of the locked wing into which they have been deposited. I was delivering a box of supplies to the ward. When I walked in carrying the box, a woman asked if I had her glasses. I told her no and went about my business. On my way out, I walked by her again, with an empty box. This time she had company-two of the other patients. She asked if I had coffee or doughnuts. I told her no again. The conversation continued like this.
Lady #1 "Well then, who is going to feed us?"
Me "The nurses will feed you."
Lady #1 "When are they going to feed us?"
Me "In a few hours."
Lady #1(addressing the rest of the group) "What should we do until then?"
Lady #2(just above a whisper) "Let's get out of here."
#1 and #3(one after the other) "Yeah, let's get out of here."
And me, the only one with an access badge to get out. They were eying me like foxes eye a full henhouse. That, coupled with my grandma, who also suffers from alzheimers and is always trying to get out of her house and go "home", leads me to believe they all want out.
2) Although attention from the opposite sex is flattering, sometimes it is downright frightening. For some reason, from day one, I caught the attention of a very nice, very manlike woman. HeShe is always, batting her eyelashes at me, trying to get her arm around me or place her hands on me somehow, or even walking into my supply closet and flirting. Since she is so nice, I try to be nice back, without asking any questions of her, or being flirty in any other way, as to show as little interest as possible without telling her she kinda freaks me out.
I will leave you all with one other observation.
Irony is: The laziest mother fucker I have ever seen, standing around, bitching about lazy nurses, standing around, bitching about things.
Seacrest out.
posted by Larry @ 5:21 PM
14 Comments:
Poor Larry! You're such a babe magnet. Just make sure the supply closet doesn't lock, okay?
And seriously, if they kept you locked up somewhere, wouldn't you want to get out? It's like normal human nature.
Are you sure this nurse is a she?
Callie: If that door to my supply closet were to close while I was inside, say, bound and gagged, I would not be able to get out until one of the very few other people with keys actually needed something. Can you imagine walking in on my naked, tied up self, lying there with a pitiful pleading look on my face? It makes me shiver.
Kal: I am about 95% sure at the moment. However, there is such a thing as adoption, so even the kid thing could be a clever parlor trick.
Larry - start talking about your awesome girlfriend. Mention a name (any name) several times in conversation. HeShe will put it together.
Use my name if you want. Lemme know if you need a picture for your bulletin board or something, and I'll whip one up. Do you like black lace? LOL :oP
so if you disappear into the supply closet with a picture of penny in black lace........we shouldn't attempt to "rescue" you for what- a couple of hours, at least?
P-Shag: I need, I need!
Duff: Supply Closet + P-Shag in black lace = no rescue nesseccary. But DO NOT DISTURB might be in order.
Of observation #1: Humans have the hard-wired need to get out.
Of observation #2: Humans have the hard-wired need to get themselves some.
My own observation: They want out so they can get some.
Nice to know you're still alive, old friend.
Duff - hours? Ask SO, the over/under is 4 minutes. double that time if it's more than the fourth time that day.
Glad to see you back Larry!!
I agree with Penny. Talk about your 'girlfriend'in fact maybe you should talk about two girls. Your girlfriend (Penny) and your girlfriends girlfriend (Dani). :D
Then, of course, there's the silent observer to your girlfriend and your girlfriend's girlfriend.
:-D
Wait!!! I need a flowchart...
And who's going to photoshop this picture of the three of us together?
Damn, I know we could sell at least four or five copies....
And don't forget the cinematographer (husband) of the girlfriend, and friend to the girlfriend's friend and friend to the silent observer.
If the pictures come (heh) your way, I'll happily take care of photoshopping a suitable composition...all the better to while away the closet time with, my friend.
Now Larry will never come out of the closet.
What?
*Somebody* had to say it. It was right there!
Can you take a picture of the HeShe?
You knew someone was going to ask, right?
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