I Cried...

...I was laughing so hard, when I read this page at work.

"First reminder: Don't forget the dementia in-service..."

I might just be that tired or that stupid, but I was rolling.

Phrase of the Day

Every so often I am going to be posting a phrase of the day. You all can decide what it means. I am also left to interpret it on my own. I am going to put the Phrase of the Day on the sidebar just below my profile.

Every phrase must be repeated over and over again for maximum confusion.

Cringe Worthy

I don't know if any of you have as debilitating a fear of public restrooms as I do. I HATE using them if I can avoid it. However, over the past four years, I have conquered my fear by necessity. While working over the road, I found a lot of decent restrooms. For those of you who are wondering; Burger King seems to keep up pretty well, Quik Trip gas stations are normally spotless, and sometimes you can find a good bathroom at BP gas stations. At my new place of employment, I was directed to a nice one and have found several other good backups(in case of emergency and/or the cleaning lady).

I walk a lot at my new job. Yesterday was my first day measuring it(my dad gave me a pedometer while I was in The Sticks, visiting this weekend). I walked very close to four miles yesterday. I don't know if walking has the same effect on everyone, but for me it speeds up the brewing process, if you know what I mean. So I need a good, clean restroom at some point about mid-morning.

Today, I walked into my sacred shrine and crossed paths with another man walking out. Upon entering, I noticed a rather nasty funk. Unfortunately, I was in need, in a rather bad way(damn you buffalo chicken sandwich and Bud Light), and had no time to run to one of my back ups. With two toilets to choose from, I figured I could handle the smell as long as I chose the right stall. I get a wad of TP and wipe the hell out of my chosen perch. As I sit, I notice the warmth of the seat's previous occupant embracing my buttocks. UGHHHHHHHH!

I think I will have to start using one of the backups from now on. Or I will have to discover the mythical "unused toilet". I know, with as big as this place is, and with as many nooks and crannies that there are. There has to be a mostly private room somewhere.

The search continues.

My Very Educated Mother...

Just Served Us Nothing.

Where did Pluto go?

Blog Maintenance

As you all have noticed(unless you just happened by), I have changed my blog background and text. First, I don't know if I am going to keep it this way or not, but I probably won't be going back to the regular dots thingy that I was using. This setup may not be permenant either. So, if you stop by and it looks completely different again, I probably got bored and tinkered.

Can any of you tell me where on my template I can take the light orange sidebar and move it further left and spread out the main body text? I would like the sidebar and body to take up more of the page. I am also going to try to add a pic at the top, but, don't know how successful I will be. By the time you read this I may have found the answers. At which time you may be thinking to yourself "How can he move it any further? Is he crazy/nuts/stupid?". To save you time in the future, the answer to just about every variation of that question is probably "yes". But, right now I am having no luck and I only have about an hour left before I go out for the evening.

Any comments about the new layout are welcomed.

EDIT: As you can tell, I figured out how to put a pic up, spread out the text and align everything the way I wanted to. It isn't perfect but will work for now. I think I am going to keep this layout for a little while. The pic up top is one of two pics I am going to try. This one is a bit taller than the next one. I will put up the next one in a few days. Please, let me know what you think.

The Orange Razzdango Rescues 7 From Fire

I stole this one from P-Shag. I couldn't resist when I realized that I could have a bit of fun with it.

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet and current street name)

Max Railroad (I used the previous street name to the one I am on now, as it just sounds more awesomer)

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on your mom's side, your favorite candy)

Wilton Zagnut

3. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first initial of first name, first two or three letters of your middle name)

L. Al (Isn't that an Isreali airline?)

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)

Orange Chimpanzee

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)

Allen St. Louis

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 2 letters of mom's maiden name and first 3 letters of the town you grew up in.)

Wal-La-Er-Flo

7. Terrorist Name:(several things of mine spelled backwards?)

As it seems Margaret was the only one not to skip this one, and somehow I doubt that is any name of his spelled backward, I am going to skip this one. I also don't think it wise to put up my mother's maiden name backward on-line, since sometimes that is all one needs to know to get personal info.

8. SUPERHERO NAME: (your favorite color, favorite drink)

The Orange Razzdango (If you don't know, you've not been to Denny's recently)

A Change Of Pace

THE JOURNEY

As our journey continued
Lights twinkled onto the horizon
Were they stars spreading across the darkening sky
Or just another sprawling city rolling toward us

We kept moving toward the spectacle ahead
In anticipation of what
A night traveling in peaceful spaces
Or the anonymity of a crowd

As our journey continued
Lights progressed over the horizon
Creeping nearer as we decided
Whether to insinuate ourselves into their presence

With the darkness descending
They grew brighter by degrees
Leaving us to wonder at their brilliance
And forcing us to address the decision not yet made

As our journey continued
Lights lurked into the periphery
We did not notice their presence
And they overtook us in our hesitancy

My Life, Part Whichever

It has been so long since I last posted, that I have changed jobs and enrolled in school. I finally have a day job with regular hours and regular pay. I have never had a straight day job. It is nice. In quitting the drain business, I have become a receiving clerk and supply runner for a large nursing home. It is great to be busy all day long and get off so early. Several things have caught me as noteworthy;

1) It seems like all alzheimers patients have an inherent need to try to get out of the locked wing into which they have been deposited. I was delivering a box of supplies to the ward. When I walked in carrying the box, a woman asked if I had her glasses. I told her no and went about my business. On my way out, I walked by her again, with an empty box. This time she had company-two of the other patients. She asked if I had coffee or doughnuts. I told her no again. The conversation continued like this.
Lady #1 "Well then, who is going to feed us?"
Me "The nurses will feed you."
Lady #1 "When are they going to feed us?"
Me "In a few hours."
Lady #1(addressing the rest of the group) "What should we do until then?"
Lady #2(just above a whisper) "Let's get out of here."
#1 and #3(one after the other) "Yeah, let's get out of here."
And me, the only one with an access badge to get out. They were eying me like foxes eye a full henhouse. That, coupled with my grandma, who also suffers from alzheimers and is always trying to get out of her house and go "home", leads me to believe they all want out.

2) Although attention from the opposite sex is flattering, sometimes it is downright frightening. For some reason, from day one, I caught the attention of a very nice, very manlike woman. HeShe is always, batting her eyelashes at me, trying to get her arm around me or place her hands on me somehow, or even walking into my supply closet and flirting. Since she is so nice, I try to be nice back, without asking any questions of her, or being flirty in any other way, as to show as little interest as possible without telling her she kinda freaks me out.

I will leave you all with one other observation.

Irony is: The laziest mother fucker I have ever seen, standing around, bitching about lazy nurses, standing around, bitching about things.

Seacrest out.