Thursday, June 30, 2005

Getting to Know Me, Getting to Know All About Me

Name: Larry
Nickname: Elvis, Dirty Sanchez, A few I will not mention and need to remain nonpublished(Roy, and any of my other friends or family who comment here, leave it alone please)
Astrological sign: Scorpio
Age: 27
Height: 5'9"
Weight: I could stand to convert 20 pounds to muscle
Occupation: Professional Stalker
Birthplace: Christian NW, Florissant, MO (Where all the really cool kids are born.)
Marital status: Shackles have been removed
How many children: Joe, I may say it to you but I will not put it in print, because, I don't want to have to support them.
Do you drink (alcohol): If you see me doing this take a picture cuz it has only happened a few times
Do you smoke: No
Favorite outdoor activities: Snow Skiing, Swimming, Walking(in cities)
Favorite indoor activities: watching movies, reading, playing hockey, blogging
Favorite colors: blue, green, orange
Favorite type of music: Any type of rock, mainly mellow stuff
Favorite musical groups/performers: Tool, Radiohead, Pink Floyd, Dave Matthews Band, The Killers, They Might Be Giants
Favorite song at the moment: "Honest Mistake" by The Bravery and "Rain, 2005 Remix" by Breaking Benjamin
Favorite song of all time: These go by mood TOOL, "Sober" DMB, "Satellite" Pink Floyd, "Final Cut" Billy Joel, "She's Always a Woman"
Favorite current song, alternative: "Honest Mistake" The Bravery
Favorite current song, non-alternative: "Caught Up" Usher
Song that never fails to put me into a good mood: "Birdhouse in Your Soul" They Might Be Giants
Should the song above fail, I'll play: "A Lapdance is So Much Better When the Stripper is Cryin'" Bloodhound Gang
What's in your home CD/Cassette player right now: "Fizzy Fuzzy Big and Buzzy" The Refreshments
What's in you car CD/Cassette player right now: Satan inhabits my car stereo
Do you play an instrument: Not even if my life depended on it.
What kind of guitar do you play: None
Have you ever gone skinny-dipping: Slightly
As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up: A police officer or a pilot
What would be your dream job now: Lottery Winner
Have you ever been convicted of a crime: Nope.
Places you'd most like to visit: Alaska, San Francisco(Again), Los Angeles, Toronto, Australia, Ireland, Scotland, Montana, Vancouver, Austria, Germany, Sweden, Patagonia, The Rift Valley, Hawaii
Your first car: 1982 Plymouth Deathtrap. Yep, the one the Steph inherited from me after I beat it to shit.
Dream car: 1966 AC Cobra
Car you drive now: 2002 Ford Windstar. I hope to change that soon with the addition of a 2006 Mustang GT.
Favorite season: Winter. Hockey, Snow Skiing, Snow, Ice, Cold Weather.
Favorite holiday: Christmas. I always get to see most of my immediate family and have fun spending time with them.
Favorite hobbies: Playing Hockey, Blogging, Reading, Playing bar games(billiards, darts, fusball, shuffleboard)
Favorite sport to play: Hockey
Favorite sport to watch: Hockey, then just about anything will keep my interest for a bit.
Least favorite sport to watch: Haven't found one I can't watch
Most humiliating moment: Sitting outside the East Terminal at Lambert Airport, sobbing uncontrollably, waiting to be picked up so I could confront my ex-wife and end our marriage.
Do you have any siblings: 1 older brother, 1 older(barely) step-sister, 1 younger step-brother, 1 younger half-brother. I consider them all my brothers and sister, but, for the sake of this questionaire, I figured I would break it down for y'all.
Do you get along with your parents: Can tell all four of them anything.
Favorite place to chill: Ice Zone
Favorite place to visit: Philly, Steamboat CO, San Francisco
What is your bad time of day: When I have to wake up to an alarm.
What is your good time of day: Any time nothing is going wrong.
Favorite flower/plant: Venus Fly Trap. Any plant that actually digests its food is cool.
Favorite subject in school: In highschool, history. In college, sociology/anthropology courses
Least favorite subject in school: Math. I wished I liked it cuz I was good at it.
Favorite authors: Caleb Carr, Larry Baker, H.P. Lovecraft, Daniel Silva, Poe, R.A. Salvatore
Favorite book genre: Murder Mysteries, Spy Thrillers, Horror(Poe-Lovecraft type, not King type)
Favorite book: "The Flamingo Rising" Larry Baker
Current book I'm reading: "Chasing the Dime", Michael Connelly
Favorite magazine: National Geographic, Maxim
Favorite movie of all time: There are too many to list(see below)
Other favorite movies: Super Troopers, The Usual Suspects, Goonies, Pirates of the Carribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Youngblood, Slapshot, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, Star Wars Trilogy(original), Wizards, Real Genius, most James Bond flicks
Favorite actors/actresses: Kevin Spacey, Sean Connery, Hugh Grant, Julia Roberts, Charlize Theron, Salma Hayek, Renee Zelwegger
Favorite cartoon character: Meatwad, Any Simpsons character, Optimus Prime, Ren(Pirates of Dark Water), Arj and Poopy
Favorite food: Lasagnia
Chocolate or Vanilla: Ben and Jerry's Phish Food or Rocky Road when Phish Food is unavailable
Favorite alcoholic drink: Shots(other than whiskey or tequilla)
What is your bedtime: Varied
Worst enemies: Smartasses.
Interesting fact about your childhood: I almost went blind in my left eye after being hit by a rock playing street hockey.
The first thing you think of in the morning: Shit. What time is it?
Favorite thing to do when you're home alone: Watch movies, Blog, Sleep
Things that make you feel good: Spending time with friends, playing hockey, not struggling
Things you don't like: anchovies, waking up to an alarm, my ex-wife, hot days in the back of a van
Worst feeling in the world: Feeling used
Scariest feeling in the world: Utter silence, Loneliness
Best feeling in the world: Friendship, Love
Do you get motion sickness: On very rare occasions.
Roller Coasters - Deadly or Exciting: Exciting.
Thunderstorms - Cool or Scary: Relaxing, as long as the lightning isn't hitting right where I am.
Pen or Pencil: Pen.
Do you like to drive: When I am not working, I do.
Do you sleep with stuffed animals: No, but I have a real one that likes to curl up next to me.
Did you have imaginary friends or a blanket as a child: Yes, I had a blanket.
What words or phrases do you overuse: The "mother of all curse words" and brilliant(damn guiness comercials)
Coolest things anyone ever gave you: Head.(the little green one you sicko)
How would you characterize your political leanings: Middle of the road
If you could pick one super-human power, what would you choose: Flight.
Favorite Quotes/Lyrics/Poems:

Max: Fritz! Fritz, get up for God's sake! Get up! They've killed Fritz! They've killed Fritz! Those lousy stinking yellow fairies! Those horrible atrocity-filled vermin! Those despicable animal warmongers! They've killed Fritz! Take that! Take this! Take that, you green slime! You black hearted, short, bow-legged...

Fritz: Max! Max, I'm okay! I'm okay max. Just a scratch. Look I'm all right.

Max: Oh. Oh, damn. There you go again, stepping on my lines, raining on my parade, costing me medals. Oh, damn.
[Accidentally shoots Fritz]

Max: Ohh. Oh, Fritz? Fritz, get up for God's sake! Get up! They've killed Fritz! They've killed Fritz! Those lousy stinking yellow fairies! Those horrible atrocity-filled vermin! Take that! Take that! They killed Fritz!

-----Scene from the movie "Wizards"

Farva: Just cleaning out the old locker, she stinks like ass but I'll sure miss her... I guess you could say that about all my girls.

-----Scene from "Super Troopers"

Arthur Herk: [making an opinion on who might have shot his TV] I'll tell you who did it. It's probably some goddamn kids. 'Cause these goddamn kids today, they all got goddamn guns, and they're all sniffing glue!

Officer Monica Romero: Any additional insights, Mr. Herk? Any information can help us to protect you.

Arthur Herk: I seriously doubt that you or any other member of the police force in this town could protect their own dicks with both hands.

Officer Monica Romero: Thank you for that observation.

Officer Monica Romero: I'm not gonna arrest you, Matt, unless Mrs. Herk wants to press charges.

Anna Herk: Hey, kids.

Arthur Herk: I want to press charges! Cuff him!

Officer Monica Romero: My hands are kind of full right now, what with holding my dick and all.

-----Scene from "Big Trouble"

There's a kid who had a big hallucination
Making love to girls in magazines.
He wonders if you're sleeping with your new found faith.
Could anybody love him
Or is it just a crazy dream?

And if I show you my dark side
Will you still hold me tonight?
And if I open my heart to you
And show you my weak side
What would you do?
Would you sell your story to Rolling Stone?
Would you take the children away
And leave me alone?
And smile in reassurance
As you whisper down the phone?
Would you send me packing?
Or would you take me home?

-----Lyrics from Pink Floyd "The Final Cut"

Lo! 'tis a gala night
Within the lonesome latter years.
An angel throng, bewinged, bedight
In veils, and drowned in tears,
Sit in a theatre to see
A play of hopes and fears
While the orchestra breathes fitfully
The music of the spheres.

Mimes, in the form of God on high,
Mutter and mumble low,
And hither and thither fly;
Mere puppets they, who come and go
At bidding of vast formless things
That shift the scenery to and fro,
Flapping from out their condor wings
Invisible Woe.

That motley drama--oh, be sure
It shall not be forgot!
With its Phantom chased for evermore
By a crowd that seize it not,
Through a circle that ever returneth in
To the self-same spot;
And much of Madness, and more of Sin,
And Horror the soul of the plot.

But see amid the mimic rout
A crawling shape intrude:
A blood-red thing that writhes from out
The scenic solitude!
It writhes--it writhes!--with mortal pangs
The mimes become its food,
And seraphs sob at vermin fangs
In human gore imbued.

Out--out are the lights--out all!
And over each quivering form
The curtain, a funeral pall,
Comes down with the rush of a storm,
While the angels, all pallid and wan,
Uprising, unveiling, affirm
That the play is the tragedy, ``Man,''
And the hero, the Conqueror Worm.

-----"The Conqueror Worm" Edgar Allen Poe

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Pissing Contest

I got home yesterday from yet another 14+ hour day to find a rather poorly thought out and threatening(if a week off were something I wouldn't look forward to) email from my boss. We have deadlines for sending in paperwork and I am a procrastinator. It seems I missed the deadline on not one, not two, but three reports already this week. Funny thing about that is that two of those are one report(at least when he talked to me last week he wanted me to put them together as one) and one of them is a report that another investigator that I worked with is putting together(he did that one in exchange for me doing the one that is really two, since we both worked the cases together). I was told, not directly(my boss cannot say these things to me over the phone, he has to send it through email), that if I was late on one more item this week I would be getting a week off, without pay. Time was, I would have been really nervous about this, because I used to live paycheck to paycheck and never have anything left over. Now, however I could go several months without working and not worry about it.

The thing about the reports is, I send them in and no one looks at them for about 2 weeks. I get a call asking about it when they finally do get around to reading it and can't answer questions about it because I have alreasy worked another 15 files in the interem. So a day late here or there with a report, for me to actually have time for myself, is a sacrifice I am willing to make. If I am told a certain report needs to be expidited, it is always on my boss's desk the next morning, sometimes the same afternoon.

I am hoping he follows through with his threat because, theoretically the videotape that goes along with those reports is already late and will not be arriving at the office until tomorrow, but, seeing as that I am scheduled for a case tomorrow, I guess the "threat" of a vacation was just that.

Damn, I wanted to sleep in tomorrow.

Monday, June 27, 2005

Rollin Right Along

Just a short post tonight. I managed to play roller hockey this evening. For those of you who don't know, it is a faster paced, much hotter version of ice hockey, played 4 on 4 instead of 5 on 5. I realized it is definitely too hot outside to be playing this sport when you are as out of shape as I am(I believe we were in the mid nineties again today). However, this only being my second time back on roller blades in over 2 1/2 years, I really forgot how much more comfortable I am on a roller surface as compared to ice. Ice I really have to work at to get it right whereas on roller blades I put them on and after the first 5 minutes or so I feel like I have been doing it every week(except for the fact that I haven't done much of anything but travel and work the last month or so and have put on whatever weight I managed to lose over the winter). The last time I played, over a month ago, I had twisted my ankle the night before, so I was in pain and not very comfortable. Hopefully, my friend Todd's team will need extra guys next Sunday and I am not working, cuz, the group that I skated with tonight(also thanks to Todd) is taking next week off and I have the itch to play roller some more.

I still like ice more, but, roller is definitely more relaxing for me cuz I can hotdog it a bit and I am comfortable out there.

Oh yeah, side note in the life of Larry. Today, I finally bucked up and got contacts, which I have not had for about six years. I got tired of squinting in the sun all week last week and am too chickenshit to go out and get lasik surgery.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Jerkoff Alert

Everyone, there is a blog commenter going by the name tjenkins who recently has not been able to leave Erika alone. He does not have his own blog and likes to threaten and insult and never has anything nice to say. Erika's husband Jeff, has taken it upon himself to try to stop this and has asked me to pass this info along to anyone I can. If you have any problems with this guy(he will probably try to find someone else to bother now) go to Jeff's blog "Me on the World", the jerkoff's email address is listed at the bottom of the post that is linked. He probably would hate to get threatening or insulting emails. But, hey maybe the dipshit gets off on that sort of thing.

I Am Han Solo

This makes me feel good about myself. Why? Cuz I'm a dork.

Friday, June 24, 2005

What Do You Know, More Yokels

Sometimes, there are weeks at a time that I go without having to leave the friendly and crowded confines of suburbia/city life. This week has not been one of them. Today I was in another state in another East Jesus and had to deal with a few more yokels. Let me start this short narrative by stating that I knew exactly how my day was going to go when I drove into the little town that I was going to be working in and the first building I repair shop/bait shop followed by several churches and a small cafe. When that is all there is I know it is going to be a redneck filled day.

As an investigator I sometimes have to do what is called pretext work(generally just to find out if the person is home, but, I have a phone call pretext that will get me extra info most of the time). I call my subject doing a survey of sorts, the person sounded a lot like the yokel who watched me change my tire and did not understand very simple words and terms. Ugh. I followed this subject to the cafe sat down surrounded by these simple folk. Thank God, tomorrow I am back in the suburbs. I don't know if I can take much more backwoods fun for a bit.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

A Tire Change and the Toothless Yokel

While parked on a gravel lot out in the middle of East Jesus, I managed to gouge one of my tires. As I pulled out of the lot I could feel the tire deflating. I got out and proceeded to change my tire. Just then the local genius arrived to better my stituation. While I am figuring everything out(first time I had to change a tire on this van, so I had to find out where the crank was for releasing the spare) this poor, friendly, dimwitted, rotten toothed, riverrat pulls up in his rusted out pick up(sounds like I am stereotyping, seriuosly I am not gifted enough to make this up) and says in his marble mouthed, backwoods, southern accent-so thick I could barely understand-, "Looks like you got a flat tire."

Really, I hadn't noticed. It's not bad enough that I am out in the middle of nowhere, running late to back up my other investigator, it's 95 degrees with no breeze or shade in sight and I am about to wrestle with a flat and a spare on a gravel road with a shitty jack and tire tool. Now, I have one of the hillbilly extras from deliverance stating the obvious. I know he was trying to be helpful, but, he didn't have any better tools and wasn't going to join in the labor, he just wanted to stand around and talk. I managed to be nice, ask him where the nearest shop was, so I could get the tire patched and tried to send him on his way. I am not lucky enough, or mean enough to avoid a converstion with the guy so while I am sweating my ass off changing the tire, I also had to concentrate on this guy and what he was saying. I truly, did not understand a word he was saying to me, so when it seemed like a time to nod, I nodded. Every once in a while I threw in an, "Uh huh." for good measure. Thankfully, I managed to change the tire in near record time(for me) double checked with the guy on the tire shop location and we both went our seperate ways.

I'm just glad he didn't tell me I had a pretty mouth.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Back In Action

Okay everyone, thanks for the input. I will not worry about it and move on. I know it has been about as long between posts as I have gone, but, sometimes, work picks up, extraciricular activities come into play and I run out of time after reading all my daily reads(I keep finding more). I managed to move a moving engagement back until at least tomorrow night and will catch up on my paperwork for work tomorrow in the van. So, tonight I am all yours. Problem is, I really don't have anything exciting to tell y'all. Work has been excruciatingly boring, and, well, my personal life is regrettably in the same state as work.

I think my Thursday night hockey league has been canceled. Nothing like waiting until the last minute to tell everyone(the league director has not been in touch with my captain). About 24 hours to go to faceoff, let's get on the ball here guys. This is really getting me down because, even if it is only a rec league, I still get to play with my friends in a league environment. The only other option is pick up hockey, and with that, you never know how many guys you are going to get. Last Friday we had enough to play but had to shoot at the posts because we didn't have any goalies. At least I still have the Sunday night pick up with the older crowd(Mossy, you would fit in perfect. :P).

And now I will tell you all about Head. Head was dropped into my hand several months ago and has not left my side since. If someone wants to see him all they have to do is ask. Head is exactly what his name implies, a head. A friend of mine cut up a little cheap, imitation Koosh pet that he had and handed me the thing in several hundred pieces. I had no idea what I getting until it was in my hands. I threw the rest of him away but, for some unknown or unremembered reason I decided to keep Head. Yesterday, I thought I had lost Head while helping the Steph move some stuff from her apartment. I was actually a little upset, it has been in my pocket so long I felt empty when I put my hand in there and the little thing was gone. When I returned home, however, I found Head staring up at me from the foot of my bed where I had put him while changing clothes.

A Little Head For You All

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Slightly Overdone

Okay, I have noticed that I have been about half of at least three 60+ comment posts in the past week. This has lead me to believe that:

a) I am online way too much

b) I am going to lose most of my readers cuz they aren't going to want to read through a comment barrage to get to the point and post their own comment. I may be wrong here. I just feel bad starting a conversation everyone is reading then ending it in private, so, I continue on the comments.

c) I have no idea how to control either of the previous two points. When I am home I am online because it is far more entertaining than TV and I am home plenty lately. And, I like to comment back, as I am a social person and enjoy everyone's input and online company.

If it gets any worse I will have to stop doing it completely for a few days, just to prove to myself that I can. Any constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated. I will probably be adding an MSN Instant Message screen name to my profile when I set one up for this purpose. I need your input/help fellow bloggers.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

There Is No Doubt Now

Have any of you ever had a dream where 3 characters from a book you are reading are trapped on an island 40 yards from a golf course and a bridge for 20 days? They couldn't get off the island due to shark infested waters surrounding it and people on the golf course thought they were kidding while calling for help, one even hitting golf balls at them for sport? And can't forget good ol' David Hasselhoff comin to the rescue by blowing up the bridge and then making you climb up a chain and balance the beams of the now(pefectly) sideways bridge back to land?

Now, I do not analyze dreams and would not even begin to try to break this one down. I know why DH was there, because well, "Everthing is better with a little Hasselhoff." and one of the charaters spoke German(at least in my dream). The Steph gets credit for the Hasselhoff quote and that conversation led to 4 sitings in 5 days quite a while ago. I still shudder at the timing. Anyway, there was another actor playing the golfball hitting fucktard, but, I can't place his face or even remember a movie he was in so for those of you who might analyze this, I am sorry, I know that infomation could only help. As for the shark infested water, I think blogging is finally having an effect on my mind's nocturnal activities, I blame Dani for reminding me of my fear of water(watching Jaws when I was way too young). I have absolutely, no clue, as to where the bridge and golf course fit in.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Tonight is Hockey Night in...St. Louis.

For you Canadians out there, I know I just kinda bastardized a title of one of your favorite pasttimes, but, bear with me. Today, while out driving around and trying ot find my subject, I heard some very disturbing news. My beloved Blues are to be sold. Now this may not sound like a bad thing, but, they have changed ownerships several times in the past and each time rumors are rampant that if a local group doesn't buy them they may be bought and relocated. Today's rumor, Kansas City. Don't those heartless radio dj's(sorry Duff, I do not mean you) know that those of us driving around out there, have no access to double check the "facts" when they so nonchalantly throw around these rumors. I made as many calls as I could. I couldn't get ahold of my friend Joe, who works at their practice facility. Next on the list, another friend Joe, who is all about the Blues and checks up on them regularly. Roy, no help, he had just heard also. The Steph? Nope. She had gone home early from work and has no computer there to check these things out.

What do I do in a situation like this except, PANIC. As a St. Louis Native I was raised to live and die by the Cardinals. I do. But, baseball is a diversion for me. Hockey is my passion. I gave my heart to the Blues a long time ago and I don't know if I could bear another heartbreak anytime soon.

Well, I finally got in touch with my first friend Joe. He told me he had heard about the team being put up for sale, but, nothing else. As far as I can tell, Kansas City, is just a rumor. So, for now, I have no plans of either driving my car into a river,or trying to find another team to root for. However, until the team is purchased and I know that they won't be moved, I don't know if I will be very comfortable. One year without them is enough. Don't settle the CBA situation and move on me.

Anyway, now that I got that out of the way. Tonight I get to actually play hockey for the first time in over 2 1/2 weeks. This used to not be such a long absence for me. I took off 2 years from any hockey while in Philly and it had been 8 years overall since I had really played any ice before I moved back. But, now it seems like an eternity. I just hope there is a decent turn out tonight so I can get a good game of hockey in without having to be on the ice the whole time. My league starts up next Thursday and without skating very often, I am starting to lose the step that I got back during all my down time this winter. Hopefully, I will get to play Sunday also. That would make me more comfortable going into our first game of the session.

Nothing interesting to report on the job front and the party I was planning on going to this evening, well, let's just say I found out I would have probably been annoyed more than anything had I gone. Just not my type of party. Well time to blogsurf and relax before skating.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Okay So I Lied, But, This One Is Short

No short jokes, ladies, please. I am having esteem issues as it is.

I got this little questionaire over at Dani's place. I figured it was short and I am looking for something to post so I don't steal the Steph's post about HE-HE's.

Here goes.

1. The person (or persons) who passed the baton to you.

From Lawbrat via Dani

2. Total volume of music files on your computer.

I have 1.26 GB.

3. The title and artist of the last CD you bought.

Stand Up-Dave Matthews Band

4. Song playing at the moment of writing.

Honest Mistake-The Bravery

5. Five songs you have been listening to of late (or all-time favorites, or particularly personally meaningful songs)

Lately, Pure Morning-Placebo, Out Of My Hands and Dreamgirl-DMB, Honest Mistake-The Bravery, The Nurse Who Loved Me-A Perfect Circle

6. The five unfortunate victims to whom you will afflict with this musical baton.

I refuse to tag people but, if you want it its yours let me know so I can check you out(This is how Dani and Lawbrat did it too)

7. Super bonus question: Do you dance by yourself when you think no one is looking?

It is the only time I dance unless I am just having too much fun to contain myself

There you go.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Will The Whining Ever Cease

You all know how my road trip went. You all know how my one day off went. Now, you will hear about my first day back in the St. Louis Saddle.

I get to my subject's home this morning to find their vehicle present. Cool, they weren't sure they were living there. The subject leaves to go to work. Great, we know where they work, so, I don't have to be too aggressive while following them in rush hour traffic. The person goes to work, I get some video and somehow, from across a very busy main thouroughfare they manage to see me sitting in the back of my van, with my curtains up, in a slightly crowded parking lot. They proceed to drive across the road and start yelling through my slightly cracked window. I try in vain to convince them, they are crazy. Doesn't work. So here I am, after a very short frustrating day, wondering what it is the investigator that worked this person, this weekend, is not telling me.

Oh well, tonight I am watching a bartender. Food and drink on the company and guaranteed video as long as the subject is working. I must make some calls to see if people want to go to the bar with me tonight and drink for free. First on my list the Steph.


I woke up this morning thinking, "Van Halen."

"Is this what you wanted, Sammy Hagar?"


Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Ex Update

Well, everything came to a head. She didn't want the dishes. Great, I have dishes. She said something to me, I said my piece, she went all High-pitch-psycho and that was our conversation(this is why I text message her when I have to get ahold of her for any reason). But, her shit is gone and that should be the last I deal with her. I don't really expect to get the few things that are still in her storage locker.

I just, while typing this, got a call from a mutual friend(second time today, the first, she said she was supposed to call and bitch at me about the dishes. She didn't, she just called to tell me, so if PsychoMcFlipsOutOverSmallShit asked I could tell her that I had gotten the call). She told me that the ex called her and told her that if they wanted to remain friends, the conversation she asked her to have with me would be the last. Over dishes. That is fucked up.

Anyhow, the Steph said something really funny when we were sitting there waiting for her, "It's like you've been giving her a piggyback ride for 8 years and now all of the sudden she's pissed because the soles of her feet are touching the ground." I laughed my ass off. Never looked at it like that. Sometimes the Steph comes up with the best stuff.

I Thought I Was Through With This.

So, I got home last night and, while I was gone, I received my tax return check.

Let me tell you a story about doing taxes. This year is the last year I had to file with the ex. She came over and I did our taxes, paid for the programs and paid one state and federal. The other state owed us almost what had to be paid the other 2. In order to make it EASY, I wrote the checks(she had no money anyway) and told her when the other one came I would just have her sign it and that would be it.

Got my check, left the ex a text message(easier this way, we don't talk so no one gets too pissed). She gets back to me. Says she wants the rest of the stuff she still has at the house. Great, good riddance, more room for me. Here's the catch. We had 2 sets of 6 in a certain dish from IKEA. There are no IKEAs around here and she wanted the dishes. I said I would give her a set cuz I don't need 2. All this over text messaging. She calls, being a bitch, yelling as soon as I answer, about me just doing this to be a dick and I don't need them, and how I still go to Philly and can get them. Fuck that. Why should I have to replace everything that I pretty much paid for in the first place(for those of you who don't know her, she is a lazy bitch, who couldn't keep a job and NEVER helped financially, and for the most part I let her get away with it without very much bitching myself). Hell, when we split we also had another set of dishes that semi matched this stuff and she kept it, I was supposed to get these dishes. I don't mind giving up one set. What single fucking person needs 12 fucking dishes unless they are too fucking lazy to wash them when they use them?(sorry, just another issue I had when married and coming home from trips to find shit growing in my sink)

Where does she get off, calling me and bitchin about me doin this to be difficult? Difficult was dealing with her shit for 8 fucking years. If I wanted to be difficult I could have takin her to the cleaners during our divorce. She could be putting me through school and helping support me, like I did for her for all those years(I know someone who did this to their ex), but that aint me. I don't need the hassle of being difficult, but, I am not gonna give the bitch everything just cuz she wants it. I did that while we were married and obviously that worked out great.

FUCK I need to stop letting her ruin my day off. Any suggestions(other than telling her where to stick it, cuz, I did that when she called(at least she is now as pissed as I am) and really as good as that feels, it pisses me off to still have to deal with this shit.)? From the Steph I predict: "Bag of nickels."

Monday, June 13, 2005

Flying High

Greetings from Baltimore(BWI to be exact). Here I sit people watching for the next 2 hours in anticipation of the final leg of my journey home and a well deserved(in my opinion anyway) day off, possibly more. This has been the most frustrating road trip I have had since starting this job almost 3 years ago, and believe me when I say I have been on more than my share. I managed to procure a total of 28 minutes of videotape over 11 days. Imagine, if you will, sitting there for an average of 9 hours a day for eleven days and seeing something, for only a total of 28 minutes over that span. The last 3 days saved me because I had access to someone’s unsecured wireless signal for most of all 3 days. It was rather weak and sometimes disappeared on me, but, it allowed me some browsing time and a few posts.

So far I have nothing interesting to report from the airport except a few fashion mistakes(if I notice, you know they are mistakes) and a couple of wailing babies. When all is said and done, this trip ended wonderfully, finding out Pink Floyd is reuniting, if only for one show, is enough to lift my spirits to a very high point. As the last few trips have ended in divorce, a death at my old apartment, a 12+ hour drive after an 8 and 9 hour day respectively and barely arriving at an airport in time to make it through security and onto a rough flight.

If I see anything interesting I will be sure to report back otherwise this will be it for this post.

Okay, so I didn't see anything really interesting, but my plane arrived about 20 minutes late at the gate in Baltimore. Then we had a stop in Louisville, which was not mentioned anywhere on the itenerary my boss sent me. While there, we were notified that we were not allowed to take off because severe weather in St. Louis had the airport closed. So my day got longer. Funny thing though, it didn't dampen my spirits at all, just wore me out a little more. Oh well I managed to get almost half my work week in, in one day. Now if I can wrangle a few extra days off this week, that would be awesome.


Pigs are flying and Satan is looking for his winter coat. That title is not a lie or redirection of any kind. Roger Waters is reuniting with the rest of the boys to perform at Live 8 on July 2, in Engalnd. I said earlier on one of Duff's posts that the England show is going to be the best of all the locations, now, it could be the best show ever. I gotta figure out a way to get over there. I never thought I would see Floyd back together.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

My Skills III

Here I sit getting more bored by the moment(on a pirated wireless signal), when, my friend the Polish Monkey calls me. He asks if I am back in town yet, because, the roller hockey team he plays for needs a d-man for their double header this afternoon. I bring this up because, as of now, just today, I am missing out on 2 roller hockey games, 1 game of broomball, and 1 games of pick up ice hockey. That doesn’t include the three pick up ice games, and broomball that I missed last weekend or the pick up roller game that I missed last Monday and will miss tomorrow, because I won’t get back into town until after it is done. I must also bring up that I missed one of my best friend’s daughter’s birthday parties yesterday.

Before I moved back to St. Louis, about 10 months ago I really didn’t have a personal life because I was always gone and could never make plans, having no schedule to speak of. Since my move and divorce I have made it pretty clear to my boss that I will have a personal life because I am tired of working just to work, I don’t really need the job and I need playtime for myself. My boss has actually been really receptive to this. He only scheduled me out of town for 2 of my league games last session and for the most part actually asks my permission before sending me on these trips. This trip he did not and stated someone else’s personal problems for sending me only a few weeks removed from another 10 day trip to Philly. Hell, he didn’t ask me if I had any personal issues. I do. I personally don’t want to spend any more time on the road. Where are the other 7 or 8 investigators on my team(only one of which-not the one with personal problems-has been out on the road more than me this year)? I asked this and was given a bullshit answer, told him it was bullshit and he promised me that I won’t be going on the road anymore if certain things happen. Yeah, I have heard all of this before, like when I moved to Philly under the assumption that I was going to be on the road no more than 3 days a month(I had a wife who had no one up there but me and in order to move I wanted to make sure she wouldn’t be too lonely. As most of you know this worked out real well). Turned out to be just about 12 days a month on average. Some months I was gone all but 3 days, but, at that point I had to make a living and couldn’t refuse work.

Sorry, I had to get that rant out of the way before I got on to the main point of this entry. My complete and total whiteness. I was reminded of this when on the same phone call that sparked the rant, my pal used the term, “Hatin.” I am at a loss using any hip hop terminology. Don’t get me wrong, I really love the stuff. My inability is a disability I was born with. One of my friends from back in the factory working days asked me one time if I was “straight”. Of course he meant cool/good/okay or any other relative word but my immediate thought and answer was, “Mecca, you know me. Of course I’m not gay.” He started laughing uncontrollably, realizing as he did at that moment just how hopeless a cause I really was. To his credit, Mecca, spent time inside and outside work trying to help me bring out any hidden ability. It just isn’t there.

I had to laugh when Todd used the term “hatin” because the day before I left on this trip, I went to the bank to deposit a check. While there, the teller working the drive-up window was being hit on by one of the customers. Turns out, after she points this out, being flattered and feeling beautiful herself, the other 3 tellers, all of which were also women, began to take her down a peg or two by saying that each of them as well as several other tellers had been hit on and/or asked out by the same man. She asked why they couldn’t let her feel pretty for just a little while. To which I responded, “You do realize you are standing amongst a group of women, who are, by nature, catty?” The teller who was helping me stated, “We’re just hatin a little.” At that point I tried to explain that if I used that phrase I would sound ridiculous. She said I would be all right. I know better, though, thanks to 2 years of constant lessons and failures with Mecca. I told her I wouldn’t embarrass either of us by even trying. I wish I could pull it off like almost everyone else I know, but, unfortunately unless they mass-produce and sell a product that can help facilitate these abilities I am SOL.

I’m chuckin a deuce(thanks for that term Mecca, even though, since I haven’t talked to you in about 3 1/2 years it is probably really outdated and therefore proves my point even further.).

Thank God, I now type most of my long entries in Word, because if any of you were here earlier, you saw the result of a mating of a weak wireless connection and Blogger. And for those of you who weren’t here earlier, here is some advice. If you are sitting in a car in the middle of Syracuse and you feel like posting while pirating a signal from one of the surrounding homes, don’t do it. It can only end badly.

In regards to yesterdays post, I think Seal’s “Love’s Divine” and George Benson’s “Turn Your Love Around” are the only songs in rotation on BK’s radio station. I have been in there 5 times over the last 2 day and heard Seal twice and GB 3 times.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Heidi Klum Dreams

Today I had a Duffesque moment. I walked into Burger King near my subject’s residence to use the facilities. First of all, I must say I never wanted to be Heidi Klum more than when I walked into the restroom and stood over the urinal. As soon I started to relieve myself, Seal began serenading me over the BK radio system. It was perfect timing, I start to feel better and then Seal’s voice all for me, at that moment I was very envious of Ms. Klum. Then another man walked in and even though he had no idea what I was thinking I felt slightly more awkward than I already did.

Now, on to the Duffness of the experience. While I completed watering the urinal the man proceeded to one of the stalls. After his grunting and situating himself onto the toilet seat(I am assuming this from the short amount of time it took) his cell phone rang. Etiquette demands you not answer your phone while on the throne. I guess no one taught this man any etiquette. He answered the phone and proceeded to talk while dropping the kids off at the pool. Now, if I could hear the logs splashing into the bowl and the strain in his voice, I would think the caller would be able to also, knowing how well most cell phones pick up periphery sounds. The worst part is this was a rather juicy variety crap, and very boisterous on its way to freedom.

I really don’t have very much tact myself in most situations, but, come on, it definitely was not that important of a call. As a matter of fact, from what I heard, through, the bowel clearing sounds, it was “How are you doing?”/”What’s up?” sort of call(yes I do make a habit of listening to peoples' converstions).

Anyhow, I am sitting here typing this in my car and hope to have something more interesting soon.

Flash to 4 hours later and nothing else interesting happened so you will just have to deal with the conversational crapper and my yearning to be a mega hot model/singer's wife. Enjoy.

Friday, June 10, 2005

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. A.K.A. My Boring Week In Review

This is very sad I know, but, I can either post or sit around and watch T.V. So, here I am. So far my week has been a huge bust, no pun intended. The only item of interest has already been posted. There is only one day left to make this week a productive one and I am not holding out hope.

Last weekend I started on Saturday by following a subject around for a few hours in Buffalo, NY. I managed to follow them into a restaraunt and have lunch on the company while aquiring some videotape of them. As for the rest of the week I got nothing. The Adirondaks were nice and Saratoga was a beautiful town but I didn't get to spend any time seeing the sights.

I did manage to take out one of the new Michigan recruits to a nice dinner and try to explain to him that on these long ass road trips he has to sometimes do things like a steak dinner or go see tourist sights or he will begin to despise the trips. I hope I also managed to pull enough wool over his eyes that he doesn't bolt after he gets his first few checks(It is criminal how much they pay the new guys to give up most of their time). Unfortunately, I used up my sightseeing Friday as soon as I got into New York, and, bought the new guy dinner on Sunday night so, I pretty much got two nice dinners out of the early on this trip, too.

One thing I realized today was exactly how much I really dislike idiot drivers. There are several of you out there that can argue I am one of them, but, I have an excuse. I have to drive like a dick sometimes to get my job done and every once in a while it carries over. However, I don't take it upon myself to police others and if someone pisses me off I may just yell or give them an almost friendly wave.

Today, while driving on the thruway in a deluge I was traveling behind an individual in a brand spanking new luxury SUV(I think it was an Infinity). Well, in my rearview I saw a car rapidly approaching in the fast lane. This guy had to be doing about 90 mph in a torrential downpour. I thought to myself, "This guy is going to kill someone." So did the dick in front of me, only, they decided to do something about it. As soon the approaching vehicle got close enough to have to slam on their brakes, the Infinity driving idiot cut over and slowed down. Guess what. The vehicle that ended up slamming on their brakes and performing a slight fishtail was an unmarked state trooper. Hah! Bam, lights go on and the idiot who thought he was going to police the situation got what was coming to him. I am definitely not a perfect driver but if I don't have to be an ass to get something done I won't be. And I definitely make sure I am not going to cause an accident when I pull an asshole move while driving, cuz, keeping up with someone isn't worth anyone's life.

I know it wasn't the most lighthearted post I have had but next week I will be home and this slow creeping negativity that is taking hold of me should recede.

Callie, I hope everything goes well. Even though I haven't met you, I still can't keep myself from worrying about you and your family.

Mark, be safe on your trip.

Dani, don't put to many miles on that car.

Duff, get some rest(seems like lately you haven't been able to slow down).

Mossy & Penny, hope you guys are enjoying your mini 2nd honeymoon/football game.

Steph, thanks for keepin the kitty company, since she is probably gettin past the point of psychotic.

Everyone else thanks for stopping by and have a great weekend.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Waiting For the Rain

I thought I would have something to distract me from the whole blogging thing tonight. The Cardinals are playing the Red Sox on national television. Or, should I say are supposed to be playing the Sox. But, as my luck would have it, the game has been delayed because of rain and they are saying it is not going to let up anytime soon. So, here I am. I was hoping to have something interesting for you but unfortunately after the whole sign thing I got nothing today.

So here are a few quizzes and other odd bits that kept me busy while watching radom baseball games on ESPN 8 "The Ocho" or was it ESPN 2? Whatever.

If you ever need to figure out if someone is a killer(like that crazy neighbor or even your best friend) this is for you. Appearantly there are a few people in my life I need to watch, but, I don't need to run yet.

Hey if you need an ego boost, here you go. You can thank me later.

Which evil criminal am I?
I am Charles Manson.
Which Evil Criminal are You?
A Rum and Monkey crime.
Well, that result scared me more than a little.

Which Goonie said this? I aced this one, but, hell most of you will too. There are plenty more Goonies quizes here if you are ever as bored as i am right now, most are pretty easy but some are rather tough.

Alright, that is enough for now. If I get bored I might be back to waste more of everyones' time.

Okay, I'm back. What kind of pirate am I?

What kind of pirate am I? You decide!
You can also view a breakdown of results or put one of these on your own page!
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

This is for you, Steph(and Tracie and Kristi but I don't think they visit).

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Here's Your Sign

I saw this on the way to work this morning and realized I had to share it with all of you. I was not quite awake until I passed it this afternoon. Laughed my ass off.

This is the front view.

This is the side view.

Being as juvenile as I am, I really love stuff like this, it also makes me giggle like a school girl when I see signs for stuff like it on the side of the road.

Monday, June 06, 2005

I've Been Tagged(I Will Only Do This Once)


(1) No repeats from other lists (or as few as possible)
(2) In order to be considered an 80s band, they must have released an album in the 80s.
(3) "Alphabetical" implies that if it is a single person, you list by the last name but a band that has a person's name is listed by the first word. Therefore, Michael Jackson and Jethro Tull would both be under "J".

Caveat: I am expanding my list to any band/artist who released anything in 1990 or so.

Sound good? Okay, let's go:

A - Alice in Chains; Amos, Tori
B - Bloodhound Gang
C - The Cars, Culture Club
D - Dream Academy
E - Everclear; Echo and the Bunnymen
F - Foo Fighters; Fugees; Fine Young Canibals
G - Great White; Green Jello
H - Harvey Danger
I - Idol, Billy
J - Joel, Billy
K - King Missile
L - Lords of Acid
M - Men at Work;
N - Ned's Atomic Dust Bin;
O - Onyx
P - The Pixies; Primus; Pink Floyd
Q - Quarterflash
R - Radiohead; Rammstein
S - Simple Minds; Scorpions; Soft Cell
T - Tears for Fears; TOOL; They Might Be Giants
U - The Urge; Ugly Kid Joe
V - The Vandals
W - Wu Tang Clan
X - (XTC is the only band that I can come up with)
Y - Young, Neil; Yankovic, Weird Al
Z - Zappa, Frank

This is the only time I will post a tag, so enjoy.

An Update From Upstate

Yesterday, while driving to my case I noticed a sign for the "Salt Museum". I had no idea salt was so grand, so awe inspiring, so important that it deserved its own museum.

Today, my boss informed me I would be headed up north of Albany for the next few days. I thought to myself that this could be a great thing, becuase I will be working in the mountains and it is very pretty up there. So, if I don't get much, at least I will be able to enjoy the scenery. Then, I arrived. The world's largest bike rally, Americade 2005 is being held right near where I needed to stay. I had to drive an hour to get a hotel room and even then I paid out the ass. It was just like last year in the Poconos for a NASCAR weekend.

While catching up on my reading today, I realized there is a reoccuring cake theme throughout, little corner of the bloggerverse. First there was this little gem at Digi's place. Then there were several cake references in the comments section for Breakfast Epiphanies post over at Pop's Bucket. Last, there was this island sitting on the table at Kal's. I feel like I am getting fatter just reading these and am in need of a diet plan like Kal(that's right today you get 2 links Kal). I doubt it has anything to do with the fact that I am sitting here eating Taco Bell at 10:30 pm and will be in bed shorlty after completing my daily readings and post.

I would love to sit here and waste more of your time, but, I have to drive pretty far tomorrow morning and need to prepare. Good night, all.

Update for the Update: I never noticed the permant cake reference on Pop's side bar(2 links for you tonight, also Bucket).

Sunday, June 05, 2005


I am now a crawly amphibian.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Greetings From Niagara Falls

I made through a long day of sitting on an airplane. I got to Buffalo, met a new guy based out of Michigan, and went to Niagara Falls. Since sitting on an airplane is not interesting and I have only talked to the recent MSU grad for a few moments, and of course I have this new camera that saw its first action in the field, the only thing left to do is post some pics. Enjoy.

Hope to see something out of the ordinary to entertain y'all.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

My New Camera

Duff got me thinking the other day. Why don't I have a camera? I can afford one and the most it will set me back in the quest toward my new Mustang is one week. Today, in anticipation of my trip to Buffalo(Niagra Falls is near so no jokes please) I went out and finally bucked up.

Here is a test shot of my crackhead cat Tera and my bearded dragon Desi. My poor cat was so frightened she just sat there and stared. Any time the dragon moved, Tera would jump.

Well, it's off to hockey for me. Hopefully I will come back from my dreadful trip with some great photos(probably not, because as a photographer, I am garbage).

I've Got Canned Heat In My Heals

For those of you who do not know me personally, there are two rules to being Larry;

-----Rule #1: Larry does not dance

-----Rule #2: Do not talk about fight club

Well, tonight I managed to break rule #1 without looking like I was having a seizure. On very rare occasions, I will break rule #1. I went to the Dave Matthews Band show tonight and managed not to sit down once. My friend who was with me, and knows the rules of Larry, was awestruck. She even tried to get a picture. Thank God, camera phones suck and it was dark. There is still no photographic evidence in existence of Larry dancing.

This was my first DMB concert, not for lack of trying, it just finally worked out that I had money and could make time during the course of the same concert season. I have to say they rank right there with Billy Joel as the best show I have ever been to.

Well I have to go to bed so I can spend tomorrow getting ready for yet another trip to the Northeast(this time, Buffalo, Syracuse, and Albany for 11 days).

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Lyric Find #2

Okay, since the last one was just not as long lasting as I thought. Here is another one. It will be longer and hopefully, I can put one or two in here that you will all have to go to Google for , but now I am doubting that.

Here goes.

1) Put on a hell of a show
Solid gold
Fresh young face
King of a lovely place

2) Mom just give me a Pepsi please
All I want is a Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me
All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me.
Just a Pepsi.

3) I need some help from a little love
I need some help from a little above
And you were there I'm still in love

4) After the turn of the century
In the clear blue skies over Germany
Came a roar and a thunder men had never heard

5) And my eyes still grow damp to remember
His Majesty signed
With his own rubber stamp.

6) I’m your lovey dovey bedtime playa
Call me the super sexy boogie man slayer

7) I can't do what ten people tell me to do
So I guess I'll remain the same, yes

8) Too late or soon to make noise about love and there's no time for sorrow
Run around in the rain with a hole in the brain till tomorrow

9) Going from this land here to that
In a sailor's suit and cap
Away from the big city

10) I could have lost myself
In rough blue waters in your eyes,
And I miss you still

Also, here are a few fake mastercard commercials that are, well, "Priceless."
Boston World Series Champs(click the link that says Red Sox Mastercard Commercial)
Indecent Proposal(don't watch around kids or at work)

Alright everyone, good luck, have fun and all that garbage.

Too Wired to Sleep

I think I might be getting the hang of this whole poker thing. I'm not going to run out and throw down 25K to sit at a table in the world series just yet, but, I have won every time out the last 3 or 4 times.

It started last month when I went to one of the casinos here in the Lou with a friend who clears quite a bit each year at the tables. He called one night and got us comped for dinner, so, I sat down with a few bucks and managed to almost double my money before I decided it was time to leave.

Then I went to Philly and had to pretty much give my chips away to get out of the tournament at a decent hour. If I hadn't I might have sat there for several more hours and probably would have come in second. There was a woman there who had everyone's number but I only played about 15 hands with her so I don't know how well it would have worked out.

Tonight I went out with my cousin who is in town working and goes to the boat quite often. We sat down and, POOF, 3 hours later I am walking out with almost $200 more than I walked in with. I don't know how this is happening, cause when I used to play in a house game up in Philly, I never, ever came out ahead. Not once.

Now I have enough money to buy a t-shirt and possibly 2, yes I said 2, beverages at the DMB show tomorrow night. Oh Happy Day.