Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Now, That. Is. Creepy!

On several occasions my sister has told me that she thinks my job is kind of creepy. I can see her point. I pretty much stalk people proffesionally. But, at the end of the day, I won't remember your name unless something unusual or really cool happens, then I have a story. To me, though, I would not be following any of these people if they did not pay me to do it, and that is the difference between me and a stalker.

Today I recieved a phone call from one of my co-workers. He proceeded to tell me a story that really creeped me out.

Sometimes, we do what is called camo surveillance, one person sits in the woods in camo gear watching the property, and at least one person set up to follow the subject if they leave.

Well the person set up in the vehicle got bored and decided to take a walk. He started to walk toward where the other investigator was set up in camo. As he got closer he picked the other investigator out of the surrounding greenery, and as it was put to me, "I thought he had parkinson's because his hand was shaking so much...then I realized what he was holding. I turned around and went back to my car."

It made my skin crawl to hear it. This guy is sitting in the woods in front of someone's home, masturbating. He may have just been trying to aleviate the boredom, he may not be getting any attention at home, hell, he may just be a chronic masturbator. Who knows. But to do it in public, outside in front of someone's home, that is just wrong and very creepy.

Steph do you still think what I do is creepy?

Monday, May 30, 2005

Can Anyone Guess

I have decided to follow Duff's lead on this one. I decided to see how many of you can figure out a song from a lyric or two. All of the songs I use can be found in my collection of MP3's which isn't all that large. However, some of them will be slightly obscure. As with most people, my music taste runs in many different directions.

Here is an example:

Slowly learning that life is OK.
Say after me
It's no better to be safe than sorry:: A-Ha "Take On Me"

Now we will start small. Here are 5 different lyrics. Who can tell me where they are from?

1) My friend confessed she passed the test
And we will never sever.
2) And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all i've seen.
3) "old dogs care about you even when you make mistakes;
God bless little children while they're still too young to hate."
4) Remembering you fallen into my arms crying
For the death of your heart you were stone
5) dave is floating. dave is floating.
and old man einstein crazy in his attic.

One or two of these should be decently easy. One of them even gives you clues to the title in two lines. Hope this is fun.

I am really addicted to this whole blogging thing and when I don't post I feel lazy. since I spent my weekend working I am just reaching for something to post.

This Is Only a Test

So I decided since I had no excuses, thanks to my brother, I would try to post a photo from my collection. I had no place to host them and could keep saying that until, the bro put it in type in the comment section of my blog how to host. No more excuses.

I decided I would start with a picture of one of my favorite places. This photo was taken less than a quarter of the way up the mountain at the Steamboat Ski Resort in Colorado. Every time I look at his picture I cannot wait until winter. I hope to take 2 ski vacations this year. Before I returned to the slopes this year it had been 15 or 16 years since my last trip. I loved it more than I remembered.

Well, since my weekend has been pretty uneventful thus far and I have nothing interesting to post, I bid you all goodnight.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Welcome to the Roadkill Cafe: Today's Special...

Apparently, it's armadillo.

While making the return trip to St. Louis from the sticks I enter I-44 at Rolla. From there it is about 110 miles home. With as much driving as I do, I have to come up with new ways to entertain myself. Today, it was counting and separating roadkill. After what I have seen today, I am pretty sure armadillos are invading my great state in preparation for a takeover. As many years as I have lived in Missouri I have only seen 1 live armadillo, and that was during last weekend's trip. I knew they were found in southern Missouri, but damn.

What gave me the great idea of counting and seperating roadkill? Seeing six armadillos in different states of decomposition within the first mile of entering I-44. I thought to myself, "If there are this many dead armadillos, how many deer are there." It grew from there. Here is a breakdown of the dead animals I counted minus the 5 or 6 that I just could not identify.

16 Armadillos(an early invasion force unwittingly destroyed by rednecks and their pickups)

4 racoons

2 various species of birds(I am pretty sure 1 was a hawk)

1 deer(the armadillo apparently started by exterminating the deer, they are normally found in much greater numbers along our roadways)

1 skunk(thank God it was more than a couple of days old)

1 turtle(I guess he just was not fast enough, one time I saw one shoot out from underneath a tire like a ball out of a machine in a batting cage)

Now that I have sufficiantly disturbed some of you, my brother who is visiting from out of town has returned and I must go spend some time with him.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

What Did You Say?

Yesterday I went to the bank to deposit a few checks. When I walked up to the teller to ask for a deposit slip she tried to answer, yawning the whole time. Then she tried to answer again, again yawning all the while. She realized how futile it was and just handed me the slip.

I had three checks to deposit and there were only two lines for checks on the slip. I asked her what I should do. You guessed it, she yawned through her explaination. I mentioned in a joking fashion that it was starting to get rediculous. To which she replied by nodding her head in the affirmative and...YAWNING.

Now, I would not have posted about this, but, today I was conversing on the phone with one of my friends(yes I actually have a few) and as he was saying something to me. He yawned through it. The worst part was that, after yesterday, I think I am learning how to speak yawn(no comments accepted on this point by the Steph), because, I actually understood him.

This reminded me of an incident way back in 8th grade history class. My instructor, Mr. F, was very fun and would always toy with us students. One day we were having a discussion on yawning and how it is contagious. Well, one girl in class made a huge deal about how she was immune to the infectious yawn. For the rest of the day Mr. F made it a point to yawn every so often, trying to get this girl to yawn. Finally, toward the end of the hour, Mr. F was walking around while we were taking a quiz. He stopped several seats behind this young lady and yawned. Shortly there after, the yawn took hold of the girl. Histerics insued, as Mr. F started to dance around the room yelling in a sing song manner, "I made you yawn. I made you yawn."

He collected the quizes informed us that we all got an A and let us sit around for the remainder of the class period talking.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Now, The Stereo.

Well, I managed to not go out last night and still call in sick today. I just could not sleep last night and 5 a.m. comes pretty early on 2 hours of sleep. So, here I am.

I have a company vehicle that I drive around and sit in all day almost everyday. It has a stereo. Not just any stereo. A stereo from hell. If I hadn't had 4 seperate vehicles since I started with this company 2 1/2 years ago, I might have considered replacing it with my own money. But, I know as soon as I do they will call me and I will have to switch vans again, because I have already had this one fo a year and a half.

What are the problems with this stereo you ask(I hope you are asking, if not I am going to tell you anyway. This is my blog and I can do what I want.)?

1) It turns off when I hit a bump, sometimes not even a bump. Sometimes it turns off when I go from one concrete square to another. Sometimes it even turns off when I am making a turn. I guess the G-forces are too much.

2) It is only am/fm/cassette. I don't own any cassettes, 200 CDs, no cassettes. I don't want to get an adaptor, because with it going out all the time I don't know if I would be stuck listening to nothing if for some reason it ate the thing when the stereo stopped.

3) Reception sucks. When everyone else is recieving a strong signal, my radio is going from static to clear and back again.

Imagine, if you will, a grown man driving a minivan, beating the shit out of his dahboard. That is what people driving near me see everyday. It is the only way to get my stereo to turn back on. It is the submissive in our relationship and definitely seems to enjoy the beatings.

This beating method was only discovered by accident, when an employee(with anger issues greater than my own) was borrowing my van on my day off. The radio went out during one of his favorite, conservative radio talk shows. He could not have this, so he beat the radio into submission. At least, now I have a way of turning my radio back on quickly and don't have to wait for it to decide to come back on on its own(sometimes this would take weeks).

Yesterday, I was sitting in the middle of East Jesus(this is a frequent occurance with my job), when while listening to a song, my stereo went from U2 to talk radio, to static, to some weird style of music I have no idea how to describe and back to U2. How many stations can be sharing one bandwidth in one area. Hell, for a moment I thought U2 was possessed.

Sometimes I listen to my portable CD player but, this is harder to do in the summer cause it is 100+ degrees in the van on a hot day and the less I wear the better. That even includes those little headphones. So, now I am in for a long summer of listening to crap, when, of course my stereo is agreeable to it.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Free at Last!!!!

For some reason I can't stop smiling.

I came home today fully intending to blog about the worthless stereo in my company vehicle and having to beat it into submission. That will have to wait. I recieved my mail, and, eight months later, I am finally, according to St. Louis County, no longer legally bound to my ex in any fashion.


Problem is, I have to work early in the morning and have no days off until Tuesday of next week. I really want to go out and celebrate. Oh well, most of my friends are married with children anyway, so I would probably have to plan an outing to make it as fun as it should be. I'm gonna try to go out anyway. If I am too wrecked to go to work in the morning, I guess that is why they made personal days.

Monday, May 23, 2005

I'm The Frog. Posted by Hello

I Have Nothing To Say

I really have nothing to say. I am online right now trying to avoid finishing the paperwork that I have been trying to avoid finishing since I got of work Friday afternoon. I know the longer I put it off the later it is going to be when I get it done but, I just can't bring myself to do it.

I was going to come home early last night and do it but, I have the option to play a game of pick up hockey every Sunday night after broomball with a group of guys that are all so much better than me. Since I had only played hockey once over the last 2 weeks I decided to stay and play. Great decision, cause I seem to be getting back a little(I stress LITTLE) of the skill that I lost over the last 8 years by playing with these guys. But, by the time I helped my friend(who is a manager at the rink) close down and finish flooding the ice, went out to get something to eat, and came home and showered, I was ready for bed. So, I just finished the paperwork that had to be on my boss's desk this morning and fell asleep.

Here it is midafternoon, I still have to clean up my surveillance vehicle, go to the bank(since I have now been paid twice and also got a reimbursement check while out of town) and finish my paperwork. I also have to prepare for my case tomorrow(it is a 2 crew file, so, hopefully I can set the other guy in a position to watch the property and I can nap a little(the perks of seniority)) and possibly go play some roller hockey tonight. Which will be the first game of roller hockey I have played since I started this job in September of '02.

One good thing is that I got to watch the new episode of Arj and Poopy while killing time today.

I guess I should get going so that if hockey is an option tonight I don't have to turn it down to finish paperwork.

Friday, May 20, 2005

Destination, The Sticks

Well, after my laundry gets done drying, I am off to my Dad's place for a few days with the fam. It is great to visit them, but, they live out in the middle of nowhere. By the middle of nowhere, I mean, a stones throw from the Arkansas border and 20 minutes from the closest town. I like to go down there and relax cause the only sounds you hear are the very few cars that pass by on the county road 1/4 mile down the drive, cattle, and the occasion wildlife sounds. After a few days of this self imposed isolation though, I start to long for the suburbs again. It seems to agree with my dad, stepmom and little brother though. My dad has been a lot more relaxed since moving down there.

On most visits I even get a decent workout in when my dad has me help with any tasks that need to be completed around the farm, but, with the grandparents and semi sister-in-law/nephew there I doubt much wok will be getting done tomorrow. On my last visit I helped him spread about 6 truck loads of gravel during the course of 2 afternoons.

By now one of the gravel pads we spread and leveled should be on its way to becoming a garage big enough to house his mustang collection, which is getting bigger by the day, it seems. I can't wait to see his nearly completed 1970 Mach 1. He just retrieved it from the paint shop a couple of weeks ago and as of our last conversation had not yet completed adding the body details/trim and such to it.

Oh well, I am probably boring you all to death and just heard the dryer buzz.

Thanks Duff

Jeez, if I didn't feel bad enough already. Now this.

I am 71% loser. What about you? Click here to find out!

I am only more of a loser than 71% of the population.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

2 Posts in 1 Day

While in Philly, I went to play poker with a friend at a bar tournament. He got knocked out pretty early and heard there was a tournament getting ready to start at a br just down the road so he told me to meet him there when I was done. Several hours later, I finally managed to dump the considerable stack of chips I had amassed and headed out the door to the next bar.

I showed up and found my buddy conversing with several women at the next bar. This is great because as clueless as I am around women(sometime I might post about my ski trip earlier in the year and you all might get the picture), I don't have to do any of the work. After introductions I join the conversation and 1 of the women and I, hit it off right away. After about a half an hour things are going great, we are both out of town and visiting friends, leaning closer during converastion, a little touching going on mostly her touching me, as I am a chicken shit, and like I said, slightly clueless(OK, really clueless, around women). I am getting all the right signals from her.

This is when my awful luck, reared its ugly head. Somehow or another the subject of her being married comes up(she wasn't wearing her ring). After I found out she was married things kinda went down hill fast. I don't think my end of the conversation was nearly as invovled I started leaning away, she picked up on this I'm sure, because 10-15 minutes later both women were gone and my buddy and I were alone at the bar(sorry J). I probably still had a shot until I started telling her about my divorce from a wife who probably cheated on me.

Sometimes, I feel like I need to loosen up a little. A friend of mine once had a relationship(not a one night stand) with a married women, based on advise he recieved from another friend who told him, "If you don't do it, she is just going to give it to someone else." Sage advise, and I thought about not trying to screw it up for a few seconds, before I realized, I still have to wake up and like myself in the morning. Plus, in the relationship I am speaking of between my friend and the married women, her marriage was ending anyway and with the women I was speaking with it seemed like she was just trying to have a 1 night stand.

Damned morals. Sometimes I wish I had a devil on each shoulder, life would be so much more fun.

Not a Moment Too Soon

Ahhh. I am finally home after a mostly hellish, but also fun trip to PA. I managed to stay out of NY, avoid NJ for over half the trip(hard to do), and while working an average of over 12 hours a day(not including drive time and paperwork) I managed to make time to visit a few friends at the expense of sleep. Who needs sleep, anyhow? I even mangaged to go see a Cardinal game(and even survive routing for them in Philly) the last night in town. Something I have only managed to do 2 other times over the course of the previous 8 years. To any baseball fans out there, the new ballpark up in Philly is awesome.

Now that I am back home, I get to work a few more days before finally getting a couple of days off. Although I am looking forward to the break, after work on Friday, I will commence on the 3 plus hour drive to visit my dad(my grandparents from TN will be in attendence as well as my brother's girlfriend and my baby nephew(He is probably huge since the last time I saw him several months ago. I feel like such a bad uncle.)), I fear I will not get much sleep this weekend, as I will be visiting with everyone on Saturday, driving home early Sunday to paricipate in a league sport with which I am invovled in, then, an a game of pick up hockey Sunday night with a group of guys twice my age that skate circles around me. It kicks my ass every week.

This brings me to Monday, my only true day off. Hopefully, when I get to my dad's place Friday night I can get all my paperwork done so as not to have anyhting to do on Monday except catch up on the sleep that I have so dearly missed these last few weeks. Maybe, I will even go back to the Ford dealership and see about finally ordering that Mustang, or at least finding out when the earliest I can do it is. Now, off to play some hockey.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Can' t Wait to Hear the Boss

I know that when you go somewhere they are always proud of their native musicians and I respect it and appreciate it. Every time I go to Jersey I hear Bruce Sprinstein at least once an hour and Bon Jovi almost an equal amount(Steph do you still think Phoenixville is the Hellmouth?). On Tuesday when I arrived in Jersey, and found a suitable station, the first full song I heard was "Dancing in the Dark". The next song..."Dead or Alive".

It got me thinking about Indiana. I know that is kinda weird but I let me explain. Every time I drive through Indiana, I hear AC/DC at least twice an hour. I used to work with a guy, about my age, from Indiana. His favorite band was AC/DC.

Until I started my current job and did plenty of driving through Indiana, it never meant anything to me. I love Pink Floyd, no big deal, my friend introduced me to their music a long time ago and it stuck. But, about the guy from Indiana, to me it seems like "the chicken or the egg" question. Did he learn to like it because he heard it so often or is it just a coincidence that he liked it and it played so much.

Maybe I'm weird for even putting it together like that.

Anyhow, I can't wait to hear some Springstein tomorrow morning when I get to Jersey. I won't even mind a bit of Bon Jovi.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

God Speaks To Me from Billboards and Other Observations from the Road

-Does God ever speak to you from a billboard on the side of the road? He does to me. I was driving along a highway in north Jersey when I saw a billboard saying, “How would you like it if I used your name in vain?” –GOD. I thought to myself, “Damn, if God used my name specifically that would be so cool.”

Imagine that. My sister uses a hockey player named Janne(pronounced Yan-E) Ninimma(Nee-nim-ma) as her replacement to saying “God Damnit!” because she figures Janne wouldn’t mind. I don’t think I would mind people using my name saying something like, “Larry Damnit!” Imagine someone giving me the power to damn something or someone. I don’t know if I would enjoy doing it but imagine just having the power to. That could be dangerous.

-As we were taking off from Chicago and flying over Lake Michigan, I looked down and saw most of a rainbow circling beneath me. It was very breathtaking. I wish I had a little camera so I could share it with you all. But, with my photographic abilities it probably would not have turned out anyway.

-On Friday I was out at a bar with my old neighbor and while we were waiting for a guy to pull away from the curb so we could park in his spot we watched this poor drunk soul run up onto the curb four times. My neighbor Jim was driving and said something to the effect of, “Wow that guy hit the curb with his front tire like four times. What an idiot.”(I can’t remember what he said exactly. It was a long night and I had to work this morning pretty damn early.) About 10 seconds later while pulling into the spot Jim managed to scrape his front tire up onto the curb. He has perfect timing. Although when we walked into the "Adult Entertainment" venue the first dancer we saw looked a lot like the Predator. So maybe his timing is a little off.

-My beloved Cardinals are in town for my last night up here in Philly. I will be attending the game wearing my St. Louis Scott Rolen(Former Philly) jersey. If you never hear from me again it is because everything they say about Philadelphia sports fans are true(remind me to tell you later about the NFC Championship game several years ago.). Wish me luck.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Valley Forge at Dawn Posted by Hello

How Did My Boss Get This URL?

Well, precisely three days after posting about missing Philly, my boss called and said, "Hey Larry, just a heads up, you are going to Philadelphia next week." Wow. Perfect timing, kinda. I love these trips, especially when they are restricted to no more than 2 weeks in length. But, we are so busy in St. Louis, that I have to work at least two cases a day this weekend. Not to mention, the only other investigator in the St. Louis area is going on vacation in a week. By the time I get back I will have worked 2 1/2 weeks without a day off and be coming home to a built up case load that will have to be thinned out.

Oh well, enough with the bitchin, Larry, you get to go to Philly.

First thing I am going to do when I get there is go to Tony Lukes and buy a colon cleanser (since the airport is in south Philly also). They call them cheese steaks up there. Then it is off to a friend's house where I will most likely be mauled by at least 2 kids and 2 dogs. Maybe we will get to drive through Valley Forge on the way to his house since it only a couple of miles away(see picture above. Being computer iliterate I haven't quite figured out the photo posting process).

Hopefully Tuesday and Saturday nights are still poker nights so I can go get some of my money back. Another occurance I am hoping for is a case in or around New York City, so, I can visit another friend who just got a new job in Manhattan and will be in the area after work if I make it up there.

If I make it through this work week of a weekend unscathed, the next 2 weeks should be a blast. Hope to post from the Northeast.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

My cat is on crack. She won't share.

I have been off work this weekend, which is a very rare thing. The weekends are very busy in my profession. I was looking forward to staying out late and sleeping in. Since my cat is used to me getting up in the wee hours of the morning, she has stood over me the last two mornings at about 5 a.m. and started meowing. Now, when I say meowing, my cat has never produced a normal "meow" in her life. They are either extremely loud or she opens her mouth and no sound comes out at all. You can guess which type they were at 5 a.m. Well, as soon as I woke up and tried to pet her she would start running around the room playing with anything that struck her fancy. At this point I would try to fall asleep. My cat would realize this and jump right back up on the bed and start yelling at me again. Here I am, sleep deprived and typing this while my cat, well, she is sleeping on my bed. It just doesn't seem fair. Oh well, I'm sure I will have another weekend off sometime this year.